jealousy

g-d. i can't help it! I am jealous, okay? world travelling people are in another league- that i'd like to be in- makes them more attractive and makes me look like a hicktown potato lump on a log. i am too busy surving daily life and don't have time to save orphans in peru. when it's guys that go, it's not that bad, because they tell me their macho stories and i obligingly look at the pictures and smile and say "wow" and secretly don't give a fuck because i would rather be the one who got to go on the trip and therefore have a grudge against their freewheeling, rock climbing, kayaking up the nile ways.

when it's girls that go, it makes them look so much cooler and more evolved, when they come back from africa or south america, it makes emo guys want to change their status from "its complicated" to "in a relationship" makes me want to bang my head through a wall.

Oh Kristy (name changed), show me your pictures of when you climbed that huge mountain with the indigenous guide! (and all i can show you is pictures of that time i walked through central park to get to work instead of taking the crosstown bus!).

boo.

i love you. silly tweedle dee Nathan. that party store was awesome, one day we're gonna have party there.

FSU vs Miami

So, i don't have much to say about this except i had a pretty good time, didn't drink, got to see a lot of old FSU friends, and bonded with my roommate. and FSU won, so, it was a pretty great night!

back 2 school

so,
school is in session. i have four classes, each with an average of four readings per class. some i just have to be prepared to discuss, others i have to write reflections...

then i have field work, three days per week, all day. it's a job, complete with tasks, projects, deadlines, client interactions, planning, programming, etc.

then i have regular part-time work two days per week at the doctor's office. it's not too hard on the brain, but the boss is a perfectionist, so i have to be a detail freak.

in the midst of all this i have started therapy AND Jewish services. I also have to tend to my house and laundry, keep in touch with my friends, and of course, exercise and make time for relaxing....

i don't have a boyfriend or even a date, so that's one less thing to take up my time. not exactly where i want to be, but anyway, with all this work i am doing to improve myself it's probably better that i not tangle anyone up in my web yet. though i must admit a selfish part of me still tries sometimes. i want to be someone worth someone great. i have had the chance to be with a great person and wasn't ready yet. i want to be ready next time.


ANYWAY... back to (surprise!) reading. tonight's topic: organizational strategies.

affirmative action

was an executive order implemented because civil rights laws weren't enough. women and minorities ARE at a disadvantage in the workplace, to this day. empirical studies of affirmative action show that employers who were bound by affirmative action (specifically, gov't contractors) were more likely to hire women and minorities (than companies who did not have specific affirmative action policies), which means that affirmative action does work. second, affirmative action is not a policy of hiring unqualified women/people of color in favor of qualified white males-- most employers would not do that, and are not required to do that. the policy simply states that employers should take action to reach out to disadvantaged memebers of the labor pool and issue company wide human resource policies that emphasize the committment to a diverse workplace and hiring women and people of color. Further studies of employees hired under affirmative action guidelines reveal that the employees are as productive and able as their white, male counterparts.

Arguments that affirmative action is "reverse-racism" and skin color shouldn't count for anything are ignorant. flawed, at best. as are arguments that racism/sexism do not exist. Wage/hour data shows that women still make 70 cents to a man's dollar for equal work.

The argument is coming from a place of fear and from denial. We want to believe that our society has overcome prejudice, that we don't NEED to talk about skin color and gender anymore because we have EVOLVED. We have NOT! I honestly think that people who say we shouldn't give anyone special treatment through affirmative action are in denial that discrimination still exists and have not evaluated their own biases. I am white (though a woman, which comes with its own challenges), and I cannot begin to understand what a person of color experiences in the world of work. I can however, address the evident inequities in hiring, advancement, pay, and working conditions between whites and non-whites, between males and females. This is hard data. I am not in denial that racism/sexism exist. Instead of sweeping it under the rug and saying "everythings okay now, its 2006!" I say, let's start leveling the playing field. Until employers can hire people without regard to gender, race, disability, religion, marital status, reproductive status, etc., policies like affirmative action are necessary to mitigate institutional discrimination.

yay leadership/

yesterday my new roommate moved in. then we went to bed bath and beyond and i bought some risers for my bed- now i need a ladder to get on it, heh, but it's cool. then i went to the orientation/mentor/training thing and found out what my role as "coordinator" entails- i think i can handle it. After that i stopped by Radio Perfecto to have a drink (even though i didn't drink, but you know, anyway) with some other people in the program and I found out that they have people who hate them too! I thought I was all alone! haha.

I didn't call F back. I decided I put that whole thing to rest in May and don't really care to stir it up. I am happy.

I went to the gym this morning at 630AM! Yes, yes, I know, I totally rock.

Now it's off to work for the first time since my vacation-- :( but at least it's kinda easy and it's only an 8 hour day, not 10!

More later!

Check this out. It's my corner. The place I hang out sometimes.

my first blog. how fun is this?

So, I was at work a few days ago and the word-of-the-day was "blog." I was suddenly inspired (though not quite enough to make this blog that evening). I was having a conversation with a dear friend about recording memories through writing and photography, each of us commenting that we keep journals during exciting times, but fail to record mundane activities in daily life. I have set about on this great expedition to regale my readers with the unremarkable details.


I just got back from a visit to Pensacola, FL, my hometown. I caught up with some family and friends, enjoyed relaxing and the beach, and essentially got a taste of my old life. It was bittersweet.
Back in NYC now, and my episcleritis has really flared up, which causes me to believe that it's acutely related to my stress level, which triples as soon as I see the "Welcome to Manhattan" sign on the Triborough Bridge. I am going to the eye doctor tomorrow to see if there might be some kind of drug to keep my red mutant eye from scaring little children at Riverside Park. hehe.

Tonight I had my first meeting for the mentoring program of my Master's Program, I am really looking forward to doing some productive work and helping first year students (I know I could have used it!).

I go back to my part-time job on Friday and my regular schedule will be Fridays and Saturdays from 10-6, which means, that will field work and class, my only day off will be Sunday. I will see how long I can handle it, I think I will be okay though.

My new roommate moves in tomorrow, and I am excited to meet her. She is from FL as well, so hopefully we will have things in common.

On the way to the mentoring meeting I ran into an old "friend" on the street and realized that people (meaning myself) do really see better in hindsight. As Eddie Vedder says "I saw things so much clearer once you were in my rearview mirror." Pearl Jam. Brilliant.

Well, that's all I care to write tonight.

Goodnight!